We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
