I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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