My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
