I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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