You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
