Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
