Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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