I heard we made out
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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