I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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