so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
