Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize