If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
