Your dad touched me again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
