I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You took a bar mat shot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
