Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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