I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
