I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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