Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
