i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
