Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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