I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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