i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
porn star boner night. come get it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
