; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
