dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
