Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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