I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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