Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
