I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
