Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
