I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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