You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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