So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
