Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
