I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize