I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
