another moral hangover. fuck.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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