careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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