The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
