I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
