dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize