Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
