WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
