felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
