Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
