There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
