Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
