Where is the hickey?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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