I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
