He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize