turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
