So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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