My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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