just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
