Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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