I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Boobs speak an international language.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
