got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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