yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
