I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
