Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
