Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize