I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
