Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
