Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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