So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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