I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
