just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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