Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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